By Jaime Fernandez
Narrated by LeVar Burton
A "C-cup" with legs picks me up at my apartment in her car. She asks me, "What do you want to do, Sexy J?" I'm all like, "I don't really know." Upon hearing this half-hearted response, she licks her lips and replies, "Your indecisiveness is turning me on." We then go to a restaurant of her choice where she makes it clear that since I was kind enough to ask her to go out on the date, then she should at least be kind enough to pay for the meal and drinks. I immediately comply with this and say with a mozzarella stick eating grin, "OK, but I get tip." Then she opens her porn star mouth and utters, "Sure, as long as I get the tip later." After a minute or so of uncomfortable silence, I put 6 and 9 together and yell out, "Oh you mean my penis tip! I just got that!" The waiter bites his fist at either my date's raw sexual energy or my slow reaction to an obvious sexual double entendre. I begin to eat my meal using just my hands which ends up being a wise decision when my date starts to use her tongue as my own personal handi-wipe. I then eventually use a real handi-wipe after what was essentially a hand blowjob. She pays the bill and asks me if I would think she was a whore if she drove us to a hotel so we could "fuck like giraffes." After an unusually long burp, I answer her with a new take on an old saying, "Mi pinga es su pinga." On the drive to the hotel she shows me a blood test dated "This Morning" that states she is "disease free" and "ready to be fucked without risk". As soon as we get into the room she rips off my clothes and causes every part of my body to get an erection [which I cleverly called a "body erection."]. After she "went to town on me", I proceed to return the sexual favor. As I traveled down into her secret garden, I am surprised to find a batch of Mrs. Fields Cookies strategically placed on the left hand corner of her thighs. I pop my head back up and attempt to ask, "But how did you...." She puts her rubbing finger on my lips and whispers, "Shhhhh.....Just enjoy your cookies and vagina." The rest of the night is a blur, probably due to the angel dust she put in the cookies....or in the vagina. She drives me home and promises to "try out some new positions" next time our privates meet. I go to sleep thinking to myself, "That was the perfect date."
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