FAILED MAGIC TRICKS

In September 2008 David Blaine hung himself upside down for a three day period in Central Park as an elaborate act of "magic" or "illusion" or "devil act." Long story short: it sucked. But David "Insane in the Mem-" Blaine is not the only magician to waste everybody's fucking time. Here are some of history's most famous failed magic tricks.

1. The Shitty Penny: In 1957, Magician Gabriel Matthews was known for his famous coin tricks. One night in his popular Las Vegas show "Citizen Koin" he premiered a brand new trick that to this day lives in infamy. He invited an audience member to come up on stage and asked him for a nickel. Gabriel told the overweight audience member that he would magically turn his nickel into a penny. The rest of the audience made what sounded like pleasurable sex noises upon hearing this. Gabriel then proceeded to make the nickel disappear...and then reappear from his asshole. Only now it was shit colored. From afar, it could have passed for a penny. But up close it was undeniably covered in human feces. The paid customers walked out in disgust and Gabriel never performed again. His autobiography "Shitty Penny For My Thoughts" magically disappeared from bookstores after one day.

2. The Magical Miscarriage- In 1972 French-born Phillippe Depardieu created a trick that was banned from the United States. It was called the "Magical Miscarriage" and caused pregnant women to suffer miscarriages immediately after Phillippe rubbed their stomach and said the words, "Ze baby come out, no?" The rumor persists that Phillippe was not a magician but just a really irresponsible doctor.

3. Walking on Water- Out of all his tricks this was definitely Jesus's weakest.